IS Assignment

On the 14th of May 2012, I attended a seminar  which purpose is to explore contemporary trends in Singapore society and the aspects of Love, Marriage and Family. To be honest, I didn’t really believe this seminar would help me much in any way as I believe that everyone should make their own decisions in life; whether and/or when they should/want to get into a relationship and perhaps get married. I still gave the seminar a go as I had a thought that perhaps the issues discussed in the workshop may influence my impression of marriage and family.

The workshop that I attended was called, “For Better Not Worse, Before Death Do We Part”. The name of the workshop is a deviation from a well known marriage vow that states, “Till Death Do Us Part”, and it simply means that the only thing which can put an end to your marriage is the death of either partner. In other words, no divorce. The name of the workshop gives us the thinking that perhaps not all couples who get married are meant for each other as problems always arise after the exchange of rings at the ceremony. Quarrels and fights are a pain. So perhaps getting a divorce may be a suitable option for them if at least one party is constantly hurting the other.

Common marriage myths were discussed during the workshop.

Myth 1:

Finding the perfect soulmate.

Technically, nobody can find their perfect soulmate. Many people in the world have this common belief that they can find their “perfect” soulmate who is 100% accepting of them and whose personality fits with him/her. This is most definitely false. No one can find that “perfect one.” Usually when a person say that he has found “him/her”, they have only looked onto the surface of the person’s personality and perhaps they have fallen in love with his/her talents. But after marriage, its a whole different thing. Since both parties now live under the same roof, outward appearances change as they are no longer under the facade that they need to act in a specific way anymore to attract your attention. This may make one lose complete interest in another and cause regret in marriage. In my opinion, no one should just “fall in love” without getting to know the person long enough to know, understand, and accept his/her strengths and weaknesses.

Myth 2:

Getting the perfect marriage.

As per finding the “perfect soulmate”, so is finding the “perfect marriage”. It is impossible. In a somewhat philosophical kind of way, it can be said that marriages are a fitting of two personalities put together. Therefore, no two marriages are the same. A quote was put up in the workshop:

“All marriages are mixed marriages.” – Chantel Sapertein

There will always be conflict in marriage, no matter how both husband and wife may seem in love with each other at first, how people see them as “perfect” for each other. Things change a lot after living together. Its just a matter of time, and manner of acceptance. So no matter how perfect a marriage may seem at first, there is always a chance that those two lovey-dovey people will end up in a divorce. Studies have also shown that 50% of the time, first time marriages end up in divorce sooner or later.

“Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward. Together in the same direction.” – Antione

Myth 3:

I can change him/her!

It is not a complete lie that you can change your life partner, but it may come at a great cost. Many couples have “fallen in love” without knowing fully each other’s flaws and weaknesses. And when they show after marriage, most people would believe that they can change his/her flaws and make him/her into a “better person”. Its usually a bad habit exhibited that one party hates in the other. Usually, it never ends without arguments and fights as “Old Habits Die Hard”. Its hard for a person to change his/her habit which her/she might have been doing half or around their entire lives. Even if you do manage to change your spouse, its usually at a great cost. I believe that a person should accept his/her life partner as he/she is. As a quote says:

“A great marriage is not when the perfect couple comes together; it is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.”

Differences are what makes a person unique and special.

Myth 4:

Living happily ever after.

Not everyone lives happily ever after. That’s for sure. Even for a couple who love one another, there are bound to be hardships and fights down the road. A true happily ever after story only happens if a couple accepts one another for who they are. Understand each others’ flaws and still continue loving them no matter what.

“We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are.”

What is Romance?

Our lecturer for the workshop gave us an analogy of Romance:

If love is the flower, then romance is the fragrance that gives the lovers a feeling that they are in cloud nine.

The Three STAGES of LOVE

When we are young we are in love.

As we enter into the throes of marriage we are in need.

As we age we are in care for each other.

“The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost.”

Conclusion

No, there is no perfect soulmate.

No, there is no perfect marriage.

But a good marriage.

Yes, you can change your partner.

But at a great cost.

Yes, marriage is for the better, not worse.

Yes, love will last till death do us part.